


Silent Sunshine

by butterflyslinky



Category: Atop the Fourth Wall, Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Treated Seriously, Multi, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 06:03:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6362479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflyslinky/pseuds/butterflyslinky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can’t move past it. It hurts too much. But maybe, just maybe, he can start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was not my idea. It was a collaborative effort of the Secret Treehouse members who attended Magfest 2014.

_February, 1942_  
  
  
The stamp came down on the paper and it was passed over to Harvey.  
  
  
He smiled, looking at the number. Out of the line of fire, but still doing what he loved. Still helping in his own small way.  
  
  
“Report back in two weeks,” the recruiter ordered in a bored voice.  
  
  
“Yes, sir,” Harvey said, turning and heading out of the office. He caught a cab back to his apartment, smirking at the draft card.  
  
  
1-A-O.  
  
  
A few minutes later, he walked through the door. Maria was in the kitchen, cooking dinner, and Charlie was sitting in the living room, reading a Superman comic. Maria looked up, looking a bit concerned in spite of her smile.  
  
  
“How did it go?” she asked.  
  
  
“They promised me a place in the entertainment corps,” he answered. “I ship out in two weeks.”  
  
  
Maria nodded. “I see.”  
  
  
He went to her and wrapped his arms around her. “Don’t worry, darling. I’ll be out of the line of fire. You won’t lose me.”  
  
  
“I know,” she said. “But I don’t know what I’m going to do…all those months without you.”  
  
  
“You’ll manage,” Harvey whispered. He kissed her tenderly.  
  
  
“YUCK!” Charlie yelled from the living room. They laughed and broke apart. Harvey went over to Charlie and picked him up, hugging him.  
  
  
“You gonna take good care of your mom for me while I’m gone?” Harvey asked.  
  
  
Charlie nodded.  
  
  
“Good boy,” Harvey said.  
  
  
*  
  
  
 _October, 1942_  
  
  
It wasn’t so bad. Sure, he was far from his family, sleeping in a tent, seeing the boys get hurt…but he was at the back, singing, bringing their spirits up. He was doing well.  
  
  
The new kid, Rogers, on the other hand, was toast.  
  
  
The guys hated him. They hated his smugness, his patriotism, his optimism…and the fact that he couldn’t sing or perform or do anything but give trite speeches didn’t help.  
  
  
Harvey sighed, lighting another cigarette as he watched from the wings. It wasn’t that the kid wasn’t trying—he clearly was. The uniform wasn’t helping, either, though it did show him off well…a little too well, if Harvey was honest with himself.  
  
  
Eventually, Rogers gave up and slumped backstage, looking extremely dejected. Harvey dropped his cigarette and stomped it out. “Hey, Cap. Come over here.”  
Rogers looked up and sighed before shuffling over. “Yes, Sergeant Finevoice?”  
  
  
Harvey smiled easily. “No need to use proper ranking with me, Cap.”  
  
  
Rogers stiffened. “I was taught to always use proper rankings, Sergeant Finevoice.”  
  
  
Harvey sighed. “Okay, then, Captain Rogers.” He offered Rogers a cigarette, but he shook his head. “I was watching your show from over here,” Harvey continued. “And I think you’ve got potential.”  
  
  
Rogers snorted. “Yeah, right. I’m a dancing monkey. I do what other people tell me and then go to the next venue. And that wouldn’t be so bad if I was actually doing something useful, but they’ve just got me making speeches and selling war bonds.”  
  
  
“Well, it’s something,” Harvey said. “And you carry yourself like you believe in what you’re saying…when you’re onstage, anyway. And your image is certainly good.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter. “My boy Charlie sent me a letter. In it, he told me all about Captain America and how much he loves you.”  
  
  
Rogers smiled a little. “But he’s not out here,” he said. “He sees the films and the comics and he thinks I’m a hero…that I’m actually fighting. But I’m not. I’m just standing onstage with cheesy music and dancing girls.”  
  
  
Harvey frowned. “And what’s wrong with that?”  
  
  
Rogers blushed, but he met Harvey’s eyes. “It’s different for you, though. You’re an actual performer…you know how to carry yourself…you have talent and training and they love you.”  
  
  
Harvey smiled. “I guess…but you know, Cap, I didn’t come with it naturally. I learned it…I think you can learn it, too. You’re good looking, you’re optimistic, and you can talk well…you just need to have an extra little spark.”  
  
  
Rogers smiled back. “And you can give me that extra spark?”  
  
  
“Give me a spark-worthy script and I can make you a performer.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
Rogers improved within days. He was quick to learn, eager to please, and underneath the cynicism of being a trained monkey, he truly did believe in every word he said in his speeches. Harvey had never met anyone so easy to teach, and after several private rehearsals, Harvey was willing to admit that Rogers was almost as good a performer as he was.  
  
  
Almost.  
  
  
And it didn’t hurt that Rogers was one of the best looking guys on the base. Harvey found himself stealing several appreciative glances at him, glances that made him miss his wife a little bit less. He wondered if Rogers had a girl back home. He would almost have to, being so perfectly formed, but from what Harvey had heard around camp, that had not always been the case and Rogers’s  muscular form was a very recent acquisition.  
  
  
Acquisition or not, Harvey loved watching Rogers perform. And Rogers seemed to enjoy watching Harvey just as much. Several times during rehearsals, Rogers would ask a break and Harvey would sing for him, just to demonstrate the type of presence one needed to impress soldiers. And as the days went on, Harvey sang for Rogers more and more.  
  
  
A few weeks after they started private lessons, Rogers was perfect. He spoke as confidently to the men as he did to the people back home, he added a few of his own jokes and insights, which made the whole thing a lot better, and he no longer took the men’s shit, hurling abuse back at them as quickly as they could come up with it. Harvey grinned from backstage every time they got started, wondering what quips Rogers would come up with. It was almost as though the men came out simply to exchange insults with him.  
  
  
Which was just fine by anyone’s standards. It let them blow off some steam, vent their frustrations at everything, and once Rogers got used to it, it helped him as well.  
It was late at night, just after a show where the insult match had gotten especially creative due to one of the men speaking fluent Swedish, that Rogers rejoined Harvey looking happier than ever. Harvey grinned back at him. “Good work, Cap. That last one sounded almost like you knew what you were talking about.”  
  
  
“Thanks, Harvey,” Rogers said, pulling his cowl off. Harvey had finally managed to convince him to drop the formal title. “I think I might be winning them over.”  
“Yeah, they’ve stopped throwing things,” Harvey agreed. “One day, they might even let you finish a speech.”  
  
  
Rogers snorted. “Yeah, right,” he muttered. “That’ll be the day I actually get laid.”  
  
  
Harvey looked at him carefully. “Don’t think that’ll be a problem, actually.”  
  
  
“You’d think,” Rogers said. “But even after the scientific enhancement, I can’t seem to catch a break. I travel around with fifty girls and not one of them is interested because I’m not a real soldier.”  
  
  
“Well, maybe you’re looking in the wrong place,” Harvey said before he could stop himself.  
  
  
Rogers raised his eyebrows. “If the wrong place is a large chorus, then where’s the right place?” he asked.  
  
  
Harvey hesitated a moment, glancing around to make sure they were truly alone before he leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Rogers’s lips. Rogers’s eyes widened and he stepped back quickly, looking shocked. Harvey blushed but didn’t look away.  
  
  
“What…what was that?” Rogers asked breathlessly.  
  
  
“It…it was a kiss,” Harvey said. “What did you think?”  
  
  
“I…I’ve never been kissed before…”  
  
  
“If you didn’t like it…”  
  
  
“No…I did…” Rogers glanced around before grabbing Harvey’s hand and pulling him toward his tent. As soon as they were inside, Rogers turned to Harvey. “Do it again?”  
  
  
“Yes, Captain,” Harvey said. Then his arms were around Rogers, pulling him close and kissing him deeply. And in that moment, it didn’t matter that this was wrong, that Harvey was married, that Rogers was innocent and wide-eyed and lost. All that mattered was that their lips were pressed together, their hands moving quickly over one another. Harvey reveled in the firm muscles and tight uniform, guiding Rogers to the bed and gently pushing him onto it. He broke the kiss and hovered above him.  
“You all right, Steve?” he asked quietly.  
  
  
“Yeah,” Rogers said. “Yeah, I’m all right.” He was blushing, but he didn’t flinch. “I…I want…”  
  
  
“What?” Harvey kissed him again, his lips moving down over Rogers’s neck. “What do you want?”  
  
  
“Everything,” Rogers answered. “I want everything from you…I want you to kiss me…and touch me…and…” He broke off, biting his lip to keep from making too much noise, but Harvey understood.  
  
  
“We have to be quiet,” Harvey whispered. “They don’t take kindly to it…especially in the army.”  
  
  
Rogers nodded. Harvey bent his head and started sucking on the captain’s neck. Rogers gasped and clutched Harvey’s shoulders, shoving his jacket off. Harvey’s hands moved over Rogers’s chest, finding the hem of his shirt and pulling it off. He moved down Rogers’s body, kissing him gently, not wanting to push him too far. Rogers lay back, biting his lip to keep himself from making too much noise.  
  
  
Harvey reached the waistband of Rogers’s pants and looked up, asking with his eyes if it was all right. Rogers nodded jerkily, one of his hands brushing through Harvey’s hair as his pants were removed, leaving him bare before the singer. Harvey’s hands and mouth moved over his hips, between his legs, arousing him, but not pushing him. Rogers was grateful for that. He wanted this, yes, but he was still frightened, even as Harvey’s mouth wrapped around his fast hardening cock and started sucking.  
  
  
“You’ve done this before,” Rogers murmured in awe, more to himself than to Harvey.  
  
  
“Few times,” Harvey said against him. “The missus enjoys watching it on occasion…just like I like watching her when we pick up another dame.”  
Rogers wasn’t sure what to make of that information. He had seen a few photographs of Harvey’s wife and she was very beautiful. The idea of her and Harvey picking up other people of both sexes only made Rogers more desperate. His hands tangled in Harvey’s hair, his breath coming in little pants, his hips jerking with almost every move Harvey made.  
  
  
After a few minutes, though, Harvey pulled off of him and moved back up to kiss him. Rogers kissed back, his hands starting to fumble for Harvey’s belt. Harvey laughed and caught his hands, guiding them, helping him get the singer undressed. In a moment, Harvey was naked as well, and they were pressed together. Rogers clutched Harvey tight around the waist as Harvey started grinding on him, biting his neck, hard enough for him to feel it, but not hard enough to leave a mark. They couldn’t risk that.  
  
  
Harvey reached down and started stroking them both, managing to grip them both in his fist. Rogers tried to keep himself under control, not wanting to cum before Harvey was finished, but then Harvey was kissing him again, murmuring gently. “Let go, Steve.”  
He did, biting on Harvey’s shoulder to muffle his scream. Harvey choked and followed, sucking on Rogers’s neck gently. After a moment, they collapsed together.  
Rogers stared at Harvey. “Thank you,” he said quietly.  
  
  
“No,” Harvey said. “Thank you.”


	2. Chapter 2

_December, 1942_  
  
  
Maria—  
Bringing home my friend, Captain Steve Rogers, for Christmas. I think you’ll like him. Will arrive Dec. 18.  
Harvey  
  
  
Maria smirked as she read the telegram. She knew what Harvey meant when he said she’d like someone.  
  
  
“Charlie,” she called. “Can you help Mama get the house cleaned up? Daddy’s bringing home a friend from the army.”  
  
  
“Okay,” Charlie said, coming in to help. Maria hoped that Harvey’s friend liked her as much as he liked Harvey.  
  
  
*  
  
  
“You sure about this?” Steve asked as he and Harvey packed their bags for their leave.  
  
  
“Quite,” Harvey said. “Maria’s bound to be a bit lonely right about now…Not that I expect her to just sit around waiting for me, but it’s hard to pick up dates when all the eligible men are here and you’ve got a kid to watch.”  
  
  
“I guess that’s true,” Steve agreed. “But what if she doesn’t like me? I mean…women generally don’t.”  
  
  
Harvey looked over Steve appreciatively. “I still don’t get that,” he said. “But as for Maria…well, if I recommend you, she’s bound to at least consider it.” He hesitated a moment. “Listen…I know you like to keep Captain America separate from the rest of your life, but…Charlie’s such a big fan and it would really make his Christmas to meet a real live superhero…”  
  
  
Steve laughed. “Say no more,” he said. “I’ve packed the uniform…just in case there’s a venue that needs to sell war bonds. I think I can arrange for Charlie to meet Captain America.”  
  
  
“Thank you,” Harvey said.  
  
  
*  
  
  
Harvey didn’t think New York would ever look so beautiful as it did that December. Maybe it was because the camps were so dreary with so many exhausted men, or maybe it was just because he missed his family, but the city looked better than ever as he and Steve got off the train.  
  
  
Maria and Charlie were waiting for them. Charlie wriggled his hand from his mother’s grasp and ran to meet them. Harvey laughed and caught the little boy, lifting him up and hugging him tight. Maria followed, embracing her husband as soon as he put Charlie down.  
  
  
“Hello, darling,” Harvey said to her. “Miss me?”  
  
  
“Only a little,” she said. She glanced at Steve appraisingly. “You must be Captain Rogers.”  
  
  
“Yes, ma’am,” Steve said nervously. “Pleasure to meet you, ma’am.”  
  
  
“No need to ma’am me, Captain.”  
  
  
“No need to Captain me, ma’am.”  
  
  
Maria smiled. “I think we’re going to get along just fine.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
 If Steve was honest with himself, he was having a hard time deciding which of his hosts was more attractive.  
  
  
Harvey was handsome, sure, confident, teasing, but gentle in his way, kind to him. His eyes were a light, hazy blue, his body was very well-toned for an entertainer, but what got Steve was his smile, that sort of half-smirk that said that he would let you in if you just asked nicely. He was a little shorter than Steve—almost everyone was now—but the way he carried himself still made Steve feel tiny. And once Harvey started singing, Steve was always putty in his hands.  
  
  
And Maria…Maria was gorgeous. She was as tall as Harvey, with legs that would kill a gazelle from jealousy. Her hair was dark and curled, and she wore it a bit longer than was fashionable, falling over her shoulders and only half-pinned back. Her eyes were a dark, stormy grey, set above a perfectly straight nose that was a little longer than most, but on her face, it was perfect. Her mouth was red and a bit bigger than usual and she seemed to have picked up Harvey’s habit of smirking without really smiling. Or maybe he had picked it up from her.  
  
  
Steve had no idea how he was going to keep up with them. They were both clearly a lot more experienced and confident than he was, and even though Harvey had taken things slow the first few times they had been together, Steve had a feeling that Maria wouldn’t want to slow down too much for his sake.  
  
  
So he did his best to focus on anything else when they got back to the house and Maria went to cook dinner. Fortunately, little Charlie was a very friendly boy and he immediately wanted to regale Harvey and Steve with tales of his favorite hero.  
  
  
“And then Captain America broke into the war room and punched Hitler in the face like, fifty times!”  
  
  
Steve couldn’t help but smile at that. “Wonder how he got through security,” he murmured.  
  
  
“Cause he’s Captain America! If anyone gets in his way, he just beats them up!”  
  
  
Harvey, too, seemed amused by Charlie’s ramblings. “Sounds like a swell guy,” he said.  
  
  
Charlie nodded enthusiastically. “And there’s this kid, Bucky, who runs around with him and gets to fight bad guys, too!” Charlie looked at Harvey appealingly. “Do you think I could be like Bucky?”  
  
  
“Maybe when you’re older,” Harvey said.  
  
  
“I wanna be a sidekick when I get to be bigger!” Charlie insisted. “I wanna learn from the best!”  
  
  
Steve chuckled. “But you’re doing a good thing now,” he said. “You’re taking care of your mom, aren’t you? And you’re helping collect scrap metal and rations and all. And that’s a very important duty, so I’m sure Captain America would be very proud of you.”  
  
  
Charlie grinned sheepishly. “Well, sure…but everyone does that! Bucky gets to go to Europe with Captain America and fight Hitler and stuff like that!”  
  
  
Steve didn’t have the heart to tell Charlie the truth. “Trust me, Charlie,” he said. “Captain America wouldn’t want a young boy to get hurt before he’s ready.”  
  
  
Charlie pouted. “But I’m ready!” He stood up as tall as he could and flexed his tiny muscles. At seeing Steve’s amusement, he stopped, but continued speaking. “I’m small, so I can fit places where Captain America can’t…and I’m not strong, but I’m fast! I’m the fastest kid in my class! And I do all my chores and lift big pieces of metal at the drives…I could be a sidekick!”  
  
  
Harvey smiled. “And what if Captain America doesn’t need another sidekick?” he asked. “It’s hard to be sneaky when you have too many people running around.”  
  
  
“Well…maybe when Bucky gets too big to be a sidekick, I can take his place! I’ll be big enough by then, won’t I?”  
  
  
“Yes, you will,” Steve said. “And you’ll make a great sidekick.” He smiled softly. “And I’m sure Captain America will be glad to have you on his side when you’re older.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
Steve had no idea what he was doing here. All he knew was that he was lying on the bed, waiting for Harvey and Maria to come in, feeling more nervous than he ever had in his life. With Harvey, it had all happened so fast that Steve hadn’t had time to be nervous. Plus, with Harvey, he had a better idea of what to expect. Having never been with a woman, Steve had no idea what to do with her.  
  
  
The door opened and Harvey came in, leading Maria by the hand. They both smirked at Steve in the way that made his breath catch. “You ready for this, Captain?” Maria asked in a low voice.  
  
  
“I…I suppose,” Steve answered.  
  
  
Maria glanced at her husband and then sauntered over to the bed and knelt over Steve’s chest, hitching her leg up and letting him get a good view of her thighs. “Are you sure?” she breathed. “We don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”  
  
  
Steve gulped and glanced at Harvey, who nodded slightly. “Yes,” Steve said. “I’m ready.”  
  
  
And then she was on him, kissing him hard, her fingernails digging into his shoulders. Steve’s eyes widened, but then he kissed her back, laying his hands gently on her hips. She lowered her body down, pressing against him, running her hands over his body, carefully undressing him. She was rougher than Harvey, more demanding, but Steve could tell she was holding herself back a little, for which he was extremely grateful.  
  
  
Harvey moved onto the bed behind Maria, winding his arms around her waist, one hand reaching up to her breast, kissing her neck softly. She moaned into Steve’s mouth, her hands settling on his chest and scratching lightly as Steve started to undo the buttons on the front of her dress. As soon as he was done, Harvey pulled the dress off of her carefully so as not to tear it. The dress was tossed to the floor as Maria turned over, kissing her husband and pulling his clothes off as quickly as she could. In another moment, all three lay naked together, kissing, stroking, pressing together…  
  
  
Maria turned back over, pushing Steve down on the bed and kissing down his chest, scraping her teeth here and there. Steve started to sit up, but Harvey put his hands on his shoulders and pushed him back, kissing him gently. “Relax,” Harvey murmured against his mouth. “She knows what she’s doing.”  
  
  
Steve nodded and lay down, allowing Maria to get between his legs. She kissed his inner thighs carefully before sliding her mouth around him, taking him in slowly, licking and sucking and doing God only knew what else. Steve’s head fell back, his hands instinctively moving into her hair, not pulling, just petting her softly. She laughed around him and pulling back enough to speak. “You don’t have to be a gentleman in here, Captain,” she said. “I like it rough.”  
  
  
“Sorry,” Steve said hastily. “It’s just…I don’t…”  
  
  
Maria turned her head to her husband. “Show him,” she commanded. Harvey nodded and moved behind her, grabbing her hips and thrusting in hard. She moaned with pleasure, but managed to form a sentence. “See, Captain? Don’t be scared.” She went down on him again, sucking harder, letting her teeth graze over his cock. Steve closed his eyes and let his hands tangle in her hair more, gripping it tight and pushing her down further, letting his hips thrust up into her. She didn’t object, taking him fully in her mouth, moaning as Harvey thrust into her from behind, sending vibrations through Steve’s body.  
  
  
Harvey reached around and started fingering Maria’s clit, making her moan more, panting around Steve’s cock. His grip tightened in her hair, the stimulation too much for him. He came with a strangled cry, gripping Maria’s hair so tight he was afraid he would tear it out.  
  
  
He didn’t. She simply swallowed him down, letting him slide out of her mouth as he came down. A moment later, she gasped and came, digging her nails into Steve’s shoulders. Harvey gasped out something meaningless and thrust into her hard as he broke and the two of them collapsed, Maria sandwiched between the two men.  
They breathed heavily, Steve’s hand running through Maria’s hair gently, Harvey’s arms winding around them both. Eventually, they moved into a more comfortable position, Maria laying her head on Steve’s chest with Harvey curled up behind her.  
  
  
“Harvey?” she murmured as they drifted off.  
  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
  
“You should have joined the Army a long time ago.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
The next day, Harvey announced that he and Steve were going out to enjoy more of the city. Maria raised her eyebrows, but didn’t object.  
  
  
“Can I come?” Charlie asked eagerly.  
  
  
Harvey and Steve glanced at each other. “Not today,” Harvey said. “There’s a scrap drive you promised to help with, remember?”  
  
  
Charlie pouted, but didn’t object. “Okay,” he sighed.  
  
  
Steve smiled reassuringly at him. “We won’t be gone too long,” he said. “We might get back to help later on.”  
  
  
“But right now, we have to get moving,” Harvey said. “Lots to do.” He and Steve grabbed their rucksacks and headed out, talking amicably.  
  
  
Charlie sighed petulantly. “I wish I could go other places than scrap metal drives,” he muttered.  
  
  
Maria smiled. “Well, someday you will,” she said. “But right now, we all have to do our part. And I promised Mrs. Landers we would be there.” She glanced at the clock on the wall. “Now hurry up and finish your breakfast. The drive’s supposed to start in half-an-hour.”  
  
  
Charlie kept pouting, but he obeyed.  
  
  
*  
  
  
The drive went normally. People brought in their scrap, the neighborhood boys sorted it, and the mothers directed the loading and recorded what was brought. Most of the mothers found the process fairly dull, though the boys seemed to enjoy seeing all the junk that was brought in and chattering about their heroes in between.  
Maria was standing at the front of the yard where the drive was being held, directing people to the various places where the scrap metal should go, when a car pulled up and a tall man in a ridiculous blue outfit stepped out.  
  
  
She didn’t even have to ask who he was because the moment he appeared, the boys all dropped their scrap and scampered to meet him.  
  
  
“Captain America!”  
  
  
“Mom! It’s him! It’s really him!”  
  
  
“Are you here to help with the drive, sir?”  
  
  
The good Captain smiled at the boys as they gathered around him before he raised his hand for silence. They all immediately stopped chattering, staring up at their idol in pure adoration. He looked to Maria. “I heard there was a scrap drive going on. Anything I can do to help?”  
  
  
Maria started at the sound of his voice, but recovered quickly. “Well, I suppose you can help the boys sort the scrap,” she said, a small smile appearing. “I’m sure they’d like to spend a little more time with you, Captain.”  
  
  
He grinned at her. “Sounds good to me, ma’am,” he said, and it was amazing how he could go from nervous virgin boy to commanding superhero with no help but a change of costume. Maria knew she’d have to get him back into the bedroom before he left.  
  
  
Captain America held out his hands and the boys pressed forward, Charlie getting to him first and clutching one hand with a huge smile on his face, a slightly older boy grasping the other. Captain America looked extremely happy as the boys led him to where they were working, all chattering and asking him questions, listening to his answers with rapt expressions on their faces.  
  
  
Maria watched them, smiling to herself for a moment before a voice behind her said, “Need a hand, sweetheart?”  
  
  
She shook her head as she turned. “So that’s what he does?” she asked. “Plays a comic book hero and keeps up morale?”  
  
  
Harvey nodded. “Pretty much, though the science stuff was all true.” He face darkened slightly. “He was meant to be a fighter, but the government decided that selling war bonds was more important. And on the front, he doesn’t even do that. The soldiers don’t like him. They think he’s just a prissy boy trying to be a man. And I thought…it’d be good for all of them. For the boys to meet their hero and for him to remember that he is a hero. That he does matter.”  
  
  
Maria nodded. “Still…if he’s meant to be a hero…a real soldier…why not let him be one? He’s more than fit and very eager…”  
  
  
Harvey shrugged. “Don’t ask me. They just seem to prefer him like this.”  
  
  
“Does he have any family?”  
  
  
“No. Why do you think he’s here for Christmas?”  
  
  
“No friends? No children?”  
  
  
“No one.” Harvey looked at her seriously. “No one but us…if you want to accept him as one of ours.”  
  
  
Maria looked at the hero, sorting scrap with the boys, showing off a little by lifting the biggest pieces all alone and working faster than anyone else. And he looked happy, like he was at peace…like he belonged with them, doing the common man’s work. He didn’t bring any photographers, didn’t ask for anything, simply worked and encouraged the boys with his presence.  
  
  
“Yes,” she said. “I think I can accept him as ours.”  
  
  
Harvey smiled and kissed her cheek before hurrying over to help the boys.  
  
  
*  
  
  
The drive ended later in the evening and Maria asked Captain America if he would care to join them for dinner. He accepted immediately.  
  
  
Charlie was ecstatic. He chattered almost without stop as they walked back home, asking a million questions about Captain America’s exploits in Europe. The Captain answered perfectly, having clearly studied the comics religiously in order to play his part. Harvey smiled, watching them. This was what Steve was meant to do—play to an adoring, unsuspecting audience instead of the hardened soldiers.  
  
  
“They should’ve left him here,” Harvey muttered.  
  
  
“Stop it,” Maria said. “He’s doing well. And maybe it will make it easier to go back, knowing there’s someone who believes in him.”  
  
  
They returned to the house and Maria immediately set about cooking dinner, doing her best to make it as good as possible with rationed goods, considering the prestige of their guest. Captain America sat at the table, listening to Charlie’s childish prattle with a peaceful smile on his face.  
  
  
“And someday, I wanna be a hero, just like you!” Charlie concluded, finishing his monologue.  
  
  
“You already are,” Captain America said. “You work hard and do your part for your country. In my eyes, that makes you one of the biggest heroes of all.”  
Charlie stared at him. “But everyone collects scrap and buys war bonds!” he said. “I wanna fight Nazis and save lives!”  
  
  
Captain America glanced at Harvey. “You’re a bit too little for that,” the captain said. “And hopefully, by the time you’re big enough, we’ll have beaten the Nazis and you’ll live in a better world.”  
  
  
Charlie looked disappointed. “But fighting bad guys is the greatest thing a guy can do!”  
  
  
“No,” Captain America said. “The greatest thing a guy can do is work hard in the field where he’s needed. If there’s still a war worth fighting, you go to war. If there isn’t, you stay home and support your family or you do some other useful thing. You can fight bad guys in all walks of life—not just with a gun, but with words, with negotiation, with understanding and compassion.” He smiled at Charlie. “I don’t use physical violence until I have exhausted every other option. If I could stop this war by merely talking Hitler out of his evil, I would do it…but I can’t, which is why I’m a soldier. But one day, Charlie, you might come to a point where talking a man down is the best option you have. Don’t mess that up by using your fist when you shouldn’t.”  
  
  
“But you’re Captain America!” Charlie said. “You punch Hitler all the time!”  
  
  
“Yeah, I do,” Captain America said. “But I’ll let you in on a secret, Charlie.” He glanced at Harvey again, who nodded slightly. “I’m not that different from you…or your dad…or any other guy, really.” He reached up and carefully pulled his mask off.  
  
  
Charlie gaped at him when he saw that it was Steve. He was silent for a moment, studying Steve’s face carefully, before he smiled. “You were Captain America all along?” he asked excitedly.  
  
  
“Yeah,” Steve said. “I’ve been Captain America for a little over a year now.” He smiled at Harvey. “I met your dad when I took some time to go talk to the other soldiers…inspire them and all. He’s really helped me out.”  
  
  
Charlie turned to Harvey with wide eyes. “You never said you met Captain America!”  
  
  
Harvey grinned at him. “Well, Steve asked me to keep it a secret. So you should, too. We don’t want Hitler to find out who he is.”  
  
  
Charlie nodded. “So is it true? About the super serum?”  
  
  
“It’s true,” Steve said. “But we don’t know how to remake it. The Nazis got there first and destroyed the only sample we had. And even if we could make more, I wouldn’t recommend it. It really hurt to go through that.”  
  
  
Just then, Maria came through the door, carrying a casserole dish. “Okay, boys, dinner’s ready!” she said.  
  
  
Charlie chattered on for the rest of the evening, readily accepting Steve’s reaffirmation that the boy wasn’t old enough to be a sidekick, and generally keeping everyone’s spirits up.  
  
  
Steve listened to every word Charlie said, wishing that more people had this child’s optimism, patriotism, and faith in America.


	3. Chapter 3

_November, 1943_  
  
  
Harvey couldn’t remember seeing a more defeated looking group. And that was when he remembered that most of the soldiers hadn’t gotten time off any time recently.  
  
  
Luckily, they were willing to listen to someone sing. Harvey didn’t bother trying to raise their spirits. He could tell they had been through too much, so he didn’t sing the happy, patriotic songs that the government liked. Instead, he sang sad songs, songs that told them it was okay to be sad, that it was okay to mourn. But he also sang songs of hope, that told them it would get better, that it wouldn’t always be dark. And it seemed to help. The men didn’t look happier after Harvey finished, but they at least didn’t look as sad.  
  
  
And then Steve went out.  
  
  
He expected the usual jeers, the fast insults, the rambunctious cynicism that they had always encountered before. In the other units, it was all in good fun.  
  
  
Here, not so much. Steve actually finished his speech without interruption, receiving only haunted, dead eyed stares in return. And when the time usually came for the requisite volley of insults, the men only requested that the dancing girls come back onstage.  
  
  
Steve trudged back stage, looking even more dejected than he had after his first performance. He didn’t even speak to Harvey, simply pushing past the singer and going back to his tent. Harvey hesitated, but decided to give Steve a bit of space. They could talk about it tomorrow.  
  
  
*  
  
  
Tomorrow came sooner than Harvey expected.  
  
  
He couldn’t sleep that night, thinking of the hurt look on Steve’s face and wondering if he should go to him. After several hours of tossing and turning, Harvey couldn’t take it anymore, and he rose, dressed and headed toward Steve’s tent.  
  
  
He was about halfway there when he heard a soft noise. He quickly shrank into the shadows and watched as a shadow crossed the camp. Harvey watched a moment before following. There was only one man on the base that size.  
  
  
It took a moment to catch up, but he did, touching the man on the shoulder. “Steve?” he whispered.  
  
  
Steve jumped and whirled around. “Harvey!” he hissed. “What…what are you doing?”  
  
  
“Couldn’t sleep,” Harvey answered. “I was going to see you…” Now that he got a good look, he saw that Steve was in full Captain America gear, except he had added a pair of tan pants, a leather jacket, and one of the dancer’s helmets to the ensemble. “What are you doing?”  
  
  
Steve glanced around. “There…there’s something I gotta do tonight,” he said. “And…I might not come back.”  
  
  
Harvey stared. “What are you talking about?” he asked.  
  
  
“Haven’t you heard?” Steve asked. “There are hundreds, maybe thousands of prisoners still alive behind the lines. Someone has to try and save them…but Colonel Phillips refuses to go.”  
  
  
“So you’re going to disobey orders, go behind enemy lines, and risk your life for men who may not even be alive?”  
  
  
“We don’t know. They’re in the hands of one of Hitler’s scientists…they’re more valuable alive.” Steve looked closely at Harvey. “I have to do this, Harvey. Going home…seeing Charlie and all those boys who believe in Captain America…who believe in me…they made me realize that I can’t just keep being a dancing monkey. I have to be a hero…a real hero. I loved talking to them, but saying I was a soldier, that I had done all those amazing things…lying about it to people who really believe in me…I have to do something more.”  
  
  
“What about what you told Charlie? That you don’t have to be a soldier to be a hero?”  
  
  
“I know, Harvey…but right now, I can save people. I can make a difference. And if it means fighting…I’ll fight for them.” Steve leaned in and kissed Harvey gently. “Please Harvey…let me go.”  
  
  
“Why do you have to go?”  
  
  
Steve blinked back tears. “It’s more than that,” he admitted. “Remember Charlie talking about that kid Bucky? Well…Bucky’s real…sort of. His name is James Barnes. He’s a soldier and a good man and my best friend in the world. And he’s in there. I have to go in there for him.” He looked at Harvey seriously. “You understand that, right?”  
  
  
“I don’t wanna lose you,” Harvey whispered. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”  
  
  
“I won’t,” Steve said. “I’m Captain America.”  
  
  
“Can Captain America take on an army alone?”  
  
  
“I won’t be alone. Carter and Stark are going with me.”  
  
  
“A dame and a mechanic?”  
  
  
“Carter shot a man in a moving car from half a block away and Stark can fly any plane you give him. I think they’ll be okay.” He looked deep into Harvey’s eyes. “You gotta believe in us, Harvey. Believe in me…like Charlie does.”  
  
  
Harvey nodded and they kissed once more. Harvey looked and Steve, barely holding back tears. “Knock ‘em dead, Captain.”  
  
  
Steve smiled and disappeared into the night.  
  
  
*  
  
  
Harvey waited for him. Every night for three days, Harvey would walk around the camp, smoking incessantly, watching for Steve to return.  
  
  
He didn’t come. His accomplices came back, refusing to answer any questions about their actions, but Steve didn’t appear.  
  
  
Harvey listened to Colonel Phillips dictate the letter, his heart heavy. He couldn’t even bring himself to send a telegram to Maria. He had to believe that Steve was alive. That he would come back someday.  
  
  
“Can’t you wait another day or two?” Harvey asked the colonel as he listened to the report.  
  
  
“I have to follow procedure,” the colonel said. “Captain Rogers has been gone three days. We’re not risking our unit to save him. I have to report him as a loss to Washington and hope that they don’t send me another experiment.” He turned to berate Agent Carter, leaving Harvey to light another cigarette and try not to show too much emotion.  
  
  
It couldn’t be true. Steve was supposed to be invincible, a super soldier, the ultimate weapon against the enemy. He couldn’t be killed on a simple rescue mission. Maybe he wouldn’t succeed in saving everyone, but he couldn’t die. He couldn’t…  
  
  
A sudden roar from the gate caught Harvey attention. Not knowing what it could be, Harvey hurried over, dropping his cigarette, hoping…  
  
  
And there he was. Tall and proud and handsome, carrying a now much-dented shield, a haggard young man at his side carrying a weapon, hundreds more following with Nazi tanks and guns and technology that Harvey could make neither heads nor tails of. But he didn’t care. Steve was alive. Steve was alive and he had done the impossible in rescuing everyone that Colonel Phillips refused to save single-handedly.  
  
  
If the entire division hadn’t been watching, Harvey would have kissed him right then and there.  
  
  
Steve didn’t even glance at the admiring faces around him. He went straight to Colonel Phillips and saluted properly. “I’d like to surrender myself for disciplinary action,” he said.  
  
  
Harvey could tell Colonel Phillips was struggling not to smile. “That won’t be necessary, Captain,” the colonel finally said.  
  
  
A cheer went up from the division and only then did Steve look to Harvey, smiling softly and signaling for them to meet later.  
  
  
*  
  
  
Harvey didn’t have to wait long for Steve. The captain slipped into his tent as soon as night had fallen.  
  
  
Harvey was on him in a moment, kissing him hard and pulling him toward the bed, trying to convey everything he was feeling toward Steve at the moment—pride, relief, joy, love…all of it.  
  
  
And Steve kissed him back, pulling Harvey as close as he could, as though Steve were a drowning man and Harvey was the only thing he had to cling to. They fell to the floor, still kissing, their hands moving quickly over one another. They didn’t have to speak. Their actions did all the talking.  
  
  
Eventually, though, Harvey pulled back and looked at Steve for a moment. “Know where you’re going next?” he asked.  
  
  
Steve shrugged. “Don’t know. They’re not going to keep me in USO. Probably going to be sent out to take down HYDRA…which means I need to get a team together, I can’t defeat them alone.”  
  
  
“Why not? You already have.”  
  
  
Steve smiled. “That was one base, and I wouldn’t have made it without the four hundred men I rescued. War isn’t won by a single man. It’s won by all of us together.”  
  
  
Harvey nodded. “I’m going with you,” he said.  
  
  
Steve stared. “What?”  
  
  
“I want to be on your team. I want to fight by your side. I want to give my kid a reason to be as proud of his dad as he is of you.”  
  
  
“But…you’re not active combat…you haven’t been trained for this.”  
  
  
Harvey smirked. “I know how to use a gun,” he said. “I speak three languages and I can be very fast and very stealthy when I want to be. Maybe I didn’t go through all the hell you did, but I think I can keep up…and I don’t want to spend the war sitting in a tent wondering if you’re still alive.” He stroked Steve’s cheek. “So please…let me come with you.”  
  
  
Steve hesitated. “I’ll have to talk to the colonel,” he said. “But I’ll see what I can do.”


	4. Chapter 4

_January, 1944_  
  
  
Harvey wasn’t sure where Steve had picked up this team of jokers, but he was grateful for it. It meant he wasn’t the weirdest person on the squad.  
  
  
Of course, they were all soldiers. All trained and ready to go, eager to fight and die for the cause. Harvey wasn’t like that, not really. Sure, he believed in America and defeating HYDRA and winning the war. But he wasn’t a soldier. He wasn’t going with this squad in order to win.  
  
  
He was going to stay with Steve.  
  
  
And once they got on the ground, it was actually pretty exciting. Harvey was no longer behind the front lines, no longer hiding behind the poise of a performer. He was out there, being a hero along with Captain America, collecting medals he could give to Charlie. Sure, it was hard. Sure, it meant being in constant danger. But he was with his Captain, and that was good enough.  
  
  
The first night on the ground, Harvey waited a respectable amount of time to ensure the others were asleep before he went to Steve. The captain was still awake, looking over a map and muttering to himself.  
  
  
“You should be more careful,” Steve whispered as Harvey slipped inside. “These boys are pretty light sleepers.”  
  
  
Harvey grinned. “I trust them,” he said. “And who’s to say anything untoward is happening? I could just be asking for battle instructions.”  
  
  
Steve gave Harvey a pointed look. “Why would you be getting instructions at midnight?” he asked, standing and going to Harvey so they could speak quieter.  
“Never know,” Harvey said. “We’ve got a lot of odd ducks on this squad.”  
  
  
“And what will they think when we come out of the same tent in the morning?”  
  
  
“Does it matter?” Harvey kissed Steve quickly. “They already suspect. They asked a lot of questions when you chose a singer for your elite commando squad.”  
“They asked a lot of questions about my guys in general,” Steve pointed out. “I’m not sleeping with all of them.”  
  
  
“Still doesn’t matter,” Harvey said. “They know you, Steve, and they’ll follow you no matter what. So what’s it matter if I slip over here now and again?”  
  
  
Steve looked away. “It…it’s not just that, Harvey.” He sat down on the cot. “Look…I like you. And I like…that thing we do together. But…I’ve been looking around back in London and…”  
  
  
Harvey grinned. “Agent Carter?” he said.  
  
  
Steve nodded. “I’m sorry…I don’t want to hurt you…or Maria, but…”  
  
  
Harvey grabbed a chair and sat down in front of him. “Steve, look at me,” he said quietly. Steve looked up. “You’re not tied to me. I’ve got no claim over you. And I never meant for you to think I did. If you wanna go after Carter, do it.” He grinned wider. “Hell, if she wasn’t so stuck on you, I would’ve already seduced her.”  
  
  
Steve smiled wanly. “Okay,” he said. “When…when we get back, I’m going after her.”  
  
  
“Good,” Harvey said. He stood to leave. “But remember, you’re always welcome to my house…or tent.”  
  
  
Steve’s smile grew. “Duly noted,” he said softly as Harvey exited the tent.  
  
  
*  
  
  
It wasn’t awkward at all. They still fought together, still destroyed HYDRA bases and took down HYDRA troops. Steve seemed happy, leading a team and fighting to save the world. He made no mention of the conversation he and Harvey had shared, though Harvey noticed that Steve had placed a small picture of Agent Carter in his compass.  
  
  
Harvey didn’t mind. If anything, it amused him to see Steve actively chasing skirt, even when she was hundreds of miles away. It gave the captain something to live for, something to fight for. Motivation to keep taking down HYDRA troops.  
  
  
And as the weeks became months, it became natural, just being friends again. It wasn’t like there was time for anything else, anyway. They were always on the move, always keeping one step ahead of the Red Skull, always planning and running and blowing things up. Anything else would have been a distraction.  
  
  
No, it wasn’t awkward at all.  
  
  
*  
  
  
 _October, 1944_  
  
  
Zola was on that train. Which meant Steve was going down there with two of the others. Before they set out, Steve picked his guys—James Barnes, who was nothing like the Bucky Charlie admired so much, and Gabe Jones, who was smarter than almost everyone else on the team. The rest were to stay behind in case things went badly.  
  
  
Things went very badly.  
  
  
True, the mission succeeded. True, only one man was lost—the only man they had lost in ten months of fighting. But the man they lost…  
  
  
Harvey didn’t know if Steve would be able to take it. Steve had risked his life for Bucky, had gone behind enemy lines just to save him. Having him be the only man that they had lost in all this time wouldn’t help anything.  
  
  
Sure enough, after turning Zola in to Colonel Phillips late that night, Steve didn’t even bother to go back to his own room, instead choosing to follow Harvey into the barracks. No one said a word about it. Harvey locked the door behind them and gently led Steve over to the bed.  
  
  
They lay down together. Steve wrapped his arms around Harvey’s neck and leaned on his chest like a frightened child. Harvey wound one arm around Steve’s waist, the other petting his hair gently.  
  
  
“I never thought I’d actually lose him,” Steve whispered. “I never thought he’d leave me.”  
  
  
“I know,” Harvey said.  
  
  
“I don’t know what to do…Harvey, he’s always been there. He took care of me, he protected me back before…before I was Captain America. He followed me willingly, even though he knows how weak I really am. He’s been my best friend since we were kids…what am I supposed to do without him?”  
  
  
“I don’t know,” Harvey said. “Guys die in war all the time. I don’t know what we’re supposed to do to carry on.”  
  
  
“He shouldn’t have died,” Steve said. “I should have been faster. I should have caught him. I shouldn’t have taken him out there…”  
  
  
“Stop,” Harvey said firmly. “He knew the risk when we went out there. We all did…we all do. You couldn’t have done anything to save him…not even Captain America can fly through the air to save someone from falling. And if you hadn’t taken him, who would you have taken? Who among our boys could you really stand to lose?”  
  
  
Steve sniffed a bit, tears coursing down his face and soaking Harvey’s shirt. Harvey didn’t say anything more, just holding Steve close to him. After a few minutes, though, Harvey began to sing.  
  
  
 _“Toora, loora, loora_  
Toora, loora, li  
Toora, loora, loora  
Hush, now, don't you cry  
Ah,  
Toora, loora, loora  
Toora, loora, li  
Toora, loora, loora  
It's an Irish lullaby..”  
  
  
*  
  
  
Harvey didn’t know what Carter said to Steve, but it seemed to do a lot more good than he had. And for that, he was grateful. While Steve wasn’t happy, per se, he was at least functioning, and Carter seemed to have rekindled his determination to defeat the Red Skull by whatever means necessary.  
  
  
And while Harvey hadn’t been close to Bucky, he couldn’t help but agree that kicking down HYDRA’s front door and annihilating everyone inside was an attractive prospect.  
Or it would have been had Steve not told Harvey that he wasn’t going.  
  
  
“What do you mean, I’m not going?” Harvey asked indignantly. “I told you, Steve—I go wherever you go.”  
  
  
Steve shook his head. “Not this time,” he said. “Not after…I don’t wanna lose you, Harvey. Not like I lost him.”  
  
  
Harvey glared. “What about Carter? I heard she’s going in. Don’t you want to protect her, too?”  
  
  
“She’s a trained soldier,” Steve pointed out. “You aren’t. Besides, have you ever tried to convince Peggy not to do something she really wants to do?”  
  
  
“Have you ever tried to stop me?” Harvey asked. “You might not like it, Captain, but I’m one of your Howling Commandos. I have every right to be in that battle.”  
  
  
“This isn’t about your right, Harvey,” Steve said. “It’s about your safety. I’d feel much better if you stayed at the base…run messages or help Stark or something.”  
  
  
Harvey laughed bitterly. “So that’s how it is,” he said. “I’m still just a singer. Just another piece of baggage in your catalogue of considerations. You’d never trust me to get your back because I’m not a big hero.”  
  
  
“What?” Steve said. “No, Harvey, it’s not like that at all!”  
  
  
“Then how is it?” Harvey asked. “I’ve been out there with you for the last ten months! I’ve done everything you asked, kept up with all of you in spite of my lack of training, put up with all your on-and-off bull with me, and now you’re telling me it wasn’t good enough? I hiked through those mountains and ate your ration food and killed people and blew everything up, and that doesn’t earn me a place at your side? What do I have to do to prove myself, fall off a train?”  
  
  
Steve whirled around, fury in his eyes. “Don’t you DARE use that against me!” he snapped. “I’m doing this because I love you, you stupid jerk! Because I don’t want you to get hurt! Because I want you to get home to Maria and Charlie and have a good life with them! But you wouldn’t get that, would you? You just do what you want with no regard to other people’s feelings.”  
  
  
Harvey stared at him. “How can you say that?” he asked. “How can you say you love me and then not let me stay with you? How can you say I don’t think about others when I’ve helped your sorry ass out ever since you got to Europe?”  
  
  
Steve glared at Harvey. “You’re staying on base, Finevoice,” he said in a voice that defied contradiction. “That’s an order.”  
  
  
“I ain’t a soldier,” Harvey said.  
  
  
“You’re on my squad,” Steve snapped. “That makes you a soldier. And soldiers follow orders.” With that, he turned on his heel and marched off.  
  
  
*  
  
  
The radio call came hours later. Carter sounded panicked and Harvey desperately wanted to hear what was said, but Colonel Phillips ordered him out of the room with the others to give the two a bit of privacy. Harvey couldn’t help but stand next to the door, desperate to hear anything that would tell him if Steve was all right.  
  
  
Of course he wasn’t all right. If he were, Phillips wouldn’t have made everyone else leave. Steve was going to die.  
  
  
Steve was going to die…  
  
  
He wasn’t coming back.  
  
  
As the conversation devolved into static and Carter’s frantic calls of Steve’s name, Harvey turned and ran back to the barracks. He couldn’t take it. Steve, lost in the ocean, frozen to death…they’d never see each other again, never apologize for what they said, never make anything right between them…  
  
  
No one bothered him. At some point, somebody brought him some food, but Harvey didn’t even bother to look who. He didn’t eat. He just stared at the wall, his last conversation with Steve replaying in his mind.  
  
  
Why had they said those things? Why couldn’t Steve have let Harvey go along with them? Maybe he could have stopped him, could have saved him, somehow…  
  
  
It didn’t matter now. Steve was gone and Harvey was alone in a cold and distant country with no marketable skills. They may have destroyed HYDRA, but they had lost.  
  
  
They had lost because Captain America was dead.


	5. Chapter 5

_May, 1945_  
  
  
Harvey didn’t think New York had ever looked so dull. In spite of the celebrations going on everywhere, in spite of the bright flags and people dancing in the streets, it all looked so flat.  
Harvey sighed and grabbed his bag, stepping off the train onto the platform, looking around. And there they were. Maria looked a bit weary, no doubt from the factory job she had been doing, but she was still beautiful. Charlie was slightly taller now as he came bounding toward Harvey and hugged him tight. Harvey picked him up and clutched him close, trying not to cry. Maria came over more slowly and hugged her husband. “Hey, soldier,” she said quietly.  
  
  
“Don’t call me that,” Harvey said. “I don’t wanna be a soldier. Not now, not ever.” He put Charlie down and headed toward the car. His wife and son followed close behind, neither one speaking, seeming to sense his weariness. Maria drove them home, glancing at Harvey every few seconds as if to ask if he was all right.  
  
  
He ignored her. Someday, he would celebrate with them. He would kiss Maria and play with Charlie. But right then, after months of fighting without his captain, he needed time to truly grieve for him.  
  
  
Charlie leaned forward. “Daddy?” he said. “Is it true about Captain America?”  
  
  
“Charlie!” Maria said warningly.  
  
  
Harvey waved her off. He had to talk about it sometime. “Yes,” he said. “It’s true.”  
  
  
“So the plane went down?”  
  
  
“Yes.”  
  
  
Charlie nodded. “He’s not dead, you know,” he said. “He’s Captain America. He can survive anything. He’s probably just hiding…making sure all the Nazis are really gone.”  
  
  
Harvey looked at Charlie with no expression. If only that could be true…if only he could believe that Steve would come back someday.  
  
  
“Charlie,” Maria said. “I know you read comic books and that can work in those, but that’s not how reality works. And right now, your father doesn’t need reminding of what happened.”  
  
  
“It’s fine, Maria,” Harvey said. “I think we all need someone to believe in that.”  
  
  
“Captain America will never die,” Charlie declared. “Just because he’s not here doesn’t mean that we can’t believe in him.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
That night, after Charlie was in bed, Maria went back to her own room to find Harvey sitting on the edge of the bed, simply staring ahead. She closed the door and went to him, laying one hand on his knee. He barely looked at her.  
  
  
“Harvey, I know it hurts,” she said. “And I’ll give you time…time to mourn him.”  
  
  
A tear ran down Harvey’s cheek. “I…I loved him, Maria.”  
  
  
“I know,” she said. “I know you did…I think I would have, too, if I had known him better.”  
  
  
“But…that’s not why…if I just loved him, I wouldn’t feel…I’m guilty, Maria. The day before he…before they went to the battle…he ordered me to stay behind…said he didn’t want me to get hurt…and I was so mad that he would leave me behind…I said…some stuff to him…the last thing I said to him…and he went down without even asking for me…”  
  
  
“Harvey,” Maria said firmly. “It wasn’t your fault. You may have spoken in anger, but…he was a good man. He understood that you just wanted to stay with him. And if he chose not to take you, it was because he was afraid for your safety. And if you had gone, what would you have done? Gotten on the plane? Gone down with him and died as well? You’re not Captain America, Harvey. You couldn’t even hope to survive. He could…maybe. Charlie believes he can, anyway. And if you had gone down and died in the ocean, what would we have done? What would I have done?”  
  
  
“You’d have gone on,” Harvey said. “You’re strong…stronger than I’ll ever be. No matter what you lose, you always get back up.”  
  
  
Maria shook her head. “I couldn’t get up after losing you,” she said. “So say what you like about Steve…but he will always be my hero for making sure you came home.” She gently pulled Harvey down to lie on the bed, his head on her breast as though she was his mother. “And in one way, Charlie’s right. Captain America will never die. Not until we stop believing in him and what he stood for.”  
  
  
Harvey nodded, hugging Maria around the waist. “I know,” he said. “And I do believe in him. I just…I wish he were here.”  
  
  
“So do I,” she said. “So do I.” She smiled weakly. “And that’s not going to go away. But if you keep believing in him…that will make it easier.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
 _December, 1946_  
  
  
It did get easier. It took a long time, but it did get easier.  
  
  
The first few months were hardest. Harvey kept expecting Steve to come through the door like so many of his other army friends did. Several members of the Howling Commandos showed up to commiserate with Harvey over drinks. Peggy Carter dropped in on one memorable afternoon where she spent half the time relaying what Steve had told her over the radio to Harvey and the other half comparing makeup notes with Maria. Howard Stark appeared frequently, being a fan of Harvey’s music in addition to a good friend to discuss Steve openly with since Stark didn’t have too many scruples when it came to what others might call devious behavior.  
  
  
Charlie remained as loyal as ever to the idea of Captain America still being alive. Harvey didn’t mind. It eased his mind to know that Steve was still a hero of the highest caliber in Charlie’s mind. But when he watched the boys in the neighborhood at play, the largest with a trashcan lid painted to look like the shield, the rest declaring themselves their favorite of the Howling Commandos, Harvey felt even more pride when Charlie declared, “I wanna be Harvey Finevoice, who was Captain America’s best friend after Bucky and who kept the guys happy by singing every night!” It was a mark of pride that the other boys didn’t laugh at him.  
  
  
Maybe the fact that Harvey had brought Captain America to their scrap drive helped with that.  
  
  
And while he still missed Steve violently over a year later, with all of their help, Harvey was starting to heal. After all, Maria was right. As long as they believed in Captain America, he would never really die.  
  
  
So it was with a feeling of high optimism that the family went out to the lake a few days before Christmas. Maria had suggested they go ice skating and Charlie had immediately jumped at the chance, pleading until Harvey agreed with a small smile.  
  
  
It was a beautiful day, cold enough for the pond to be frozen but not so cold as to be unbearable. Charlie ran ahead excitably, periodically calling for his parents to hurry up. Harvey and Maria walked hand-in-hand and while Harvey wasn’t smiling, exactly, he at least looked more relaxed than he had since the war. He and Maria talked idly about this and that, mostly unimportant things like the stir caused at the Iowa State Fair with the introduction of a television and Stark’s news that he had found some HYDRA weapon in the ocean while searching for Steve. Little things. Normal things, for them at least.  
  
  
They reached the pond and pulled on their skates. “Don’t go too far out,” Harvey warned Charlie. “Some of the ice might be thin.”  
  
  
“I’ll be careful,” Charlie insisted.  
  
  
So they skated. Harvey held Maria’s hand the whole time, happy to be close to someone, especially this beautiful, devoted, understanding woman. They went on the ice sometimes, but other times they were content to sit on a bench nearby and watch Charlie zoom around the pond.  
  
  
Everything was wonderful…  
  
  
And then there was a loud cracking noise, a scream of shock and Harvey was on his feet, dashing across the ice to where the ice had broken. “Charlie!” he screamed. “Charlie!” He got there and without second thought threw himself into the frigid water, searching…searching…  
  
  
A few frantic minutes later, Harvey was pulling the tiny body out of the water, away from the pond…hoping…hoping…  
  
  
Maria came running, pulling off her own coat and wrapping Charlie in it. “Hospital!” she screamed and Harvey scooped Charlie up in his arms and ran toward the car, trying to ignore the fact that Charlie’s skin had already turned blue and his breathing was far too shallow…  
  
  
His breath stopped on the way. The doctor examined him and pronounced it too late.  
  
  
It was a nightmare. It had to be. He couldn’t have lost them both, couldn’t have let both of them be taken by the ice. He was going to wake up any minute now…any minute, this would be over and he would be in bed with Maria comforting him…Charlie would come in and they would hug him…  
  
  
Maria’s face was stoic. She had to be, knowing that Harvey was going to break down at any second as the doctor filled out the death certificate, citing hypothermia caused by an accident. Harvey could barely hear the words, too busy staring at the tiny body, willing him to wake up…wake up…wake up…  
  
  
Eventually, Maria gently took Harvey’s hand and pulled him up. Led him out of the hospital, taking him home and putting him in bed. Harvey was too shocked to cry. He merely stared at the woman beside him, trying to remember who she was or why she was there…  
  
  
Neither slept that night, or for many nights afterward. Harvey moved through life like a ghost, barely acknowledging anybody, not seeming to remember who they were. They spoke kindly to him, patted his shoulders, poured him drinks, but he didn’t care who was whom or what they did.  
  
  
Nothing mattered anymore. So Harvey turned to the only thing he could think of. The whiskey that they kept in the cupboard. Shot after shot poured night after night so he could sleep without dreaming, poured during the day so he wouldn’t have to think about it. And it worked. Soon, he forgot why he was drinking, just remembering that he had to.


	6. Chapter 6

_May, 1947_  
  
  
“Harvey?”  
  
  
Her voice was distant, indistinct, unimportant. Whoever she was, she would go away soon.  
  
  
“Harvey, talk to me.”  
  
  
He poured another shot, not caring what she wanted.  
  
  
“Harvey, please…you’ve barely said a word to me in months…”  
  
  
He lit a cigarette, staring straight ahead.  
  
  
“At least look at me!”  
  
  
That he could manage. He glanced at the woman standing in front of him, her grey eyes dull and red-rimmed from crying. Harvey didn’t care. People cried all the time. Nothing he could do about it.  
  
  
She glared at him. “Harvey, I’m hurting too! But we have to keep on! For both of them. Neither of them wanted us to live like this.”  
  
  
“How do you know?” he asked bitterly. “How do you know what they wanted?”  
  
  
“I know that much, at least!” she snapped. “So please…come out of this. Be my husband again.”  
  
  
A tear fell down his cheek. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I can’t…I can’t be anyone’s husband right now.” He stood up and grabbed his coat. “I’ll be back later.”  
  
  
She caught his arm. “Where are you going?”  
  
  
“Out.”  
  
  
“The bar again?”  
  
  
“What d’you care?”  
  
  
“Harvey, I’m worried about you! You never talk to anyone! You ignore me all the time! You go through a bottle of whiskey and three cartons of cigarettes every day!”  
  
  
“So?”  
  
  
She glared at him. “I was going to say that I’m scared I’ll wake up one morning and not have a husband anymore,” she answered coldly. “But I can see that’s already happened.”  
  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
  
Her eyes filled with tears again. “I miss him, too,” she said. “He was my son…my boy. But I can’t…I can’t just fade into myself. I need to live, Harvey. So would you at least have the heart to go have an affair so I can divorce you?”  
  
  
He stared at her. “What?” he said.  
  
  
“I’m done, Harvey. I can’t deal with you anymore. I thought it was bad when you lost Steve…and I understand you’re upset, but you can’t push me out forever without me taking the bait. So go sleep with a chorus girl or something so I can move on with my life!”  
  
  
Harvey looked at her, really looked for the first time in months. While she had obviously been crying a lot, she had also lost weight—not the unhealthy amount that Harvey had lost, just enough to make her even more attractive. Her hair wasn’t limp or dirty like his. It was nicely permed—more nicely than it used to be, in fact. And the dress she was wearing wasn’t one that Harvey remembered seeing before…  
  
  
“You’ve already moved on,” he said quietly. “Haven’t you?”  
  
  
She shrugged. “What’s it matter?” she asked. “You didn’t notice…and it was only because you kept ignoring me after the funeral!”  
  
  
“So who is it?” he asked, not really caring but curious nonetheless.  
  
  
“Why do you care?”  
  
  
“I don’t. Just making conversation.”  
  
  
She hesitated before sighing. “Howard,” she admitted.  
  
  
“Howard Stark?”  
  
  
“What other Howard has been around since then?”  
  
  
Harvey nodded. Made sense, really. Howard was nice, charming, handsome. The type of guy Maria tended to like.  
  
  
The type of guy Harvey used to be.  
  
  
“If it’ll make you happy, I’ll go have an affair tonight,” Harvey said. “Then you can ditch my sorry ass and go be happy with him. He’s a swell guy and I don’t mind losing you to him.” He turned. “I’m sorry.”  
  
  
She stood in the hall, glaring at him. “You should have been sorry six months ago.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
 _December, 1949_  
  
  
Two years.  
  
  
Two years alone. Two years moving from shitty apartment to shitty apartment, drinking away what little money he made. Two years shunning the winter, avoiding water as much as possible, too aware of what ice had done to him. What it had taken from him.  
  
  
Steve. Charlie. Maria. All of them gone, leaving Harvey utterly and completely alone. Maria hadn’t spoken to him again as soon as the divorce went through and Harvey made no effort to contact either her or Howard. He did see accounts of Howard’s progress and exploits in the papers, but he couldn’t bring himself to care much.  
  
  
So Harvey just drifted from apartment to apartment, bar to bar, odd job to odd job. He didn’t sing anymore, didn’t talk to any of his other friends, didn’t bother to do anything except drink and occasionally visit Charlie’s grave. Everything else was just background noise.  
  
  
The final day of December found Harvey stumbling down the street, a bottle in his hand, not sure where he was going, just that he had somewhere to be. Something important was happening tonight, he just knew it. Maybe tonight was the night that he’d find them again. Maybe tonight, Captain America would come back and save the world, Charlie would come running up to him, laughing and chattering, Maria would ditch Stark and return to him…maybe tonight, a miracle would happen.  
  
  
So when he saw the bright blue light ahead, he knew that his miracle had come. After two years of misery, his nightmare was about to be over. He staggered toward the light, knowing that a happy life waited on the other side. A happy life with Steve and Charlie and Maria, where the sun always shone and the silence was broken by their voices.  
  
  
He stepped into the light and felt himself falling. But that was all right. He could fall now.  
  
  
He hit the snowy ground hard, feeling the alcohol take hold of him. Just before everything went black, he heard someone calling to him. The words were indistinct, but he felt certain before he passed out that it was Charlie.  
  
  
*  
  
  
 _March, 2009_  
  
  
“So you’re saying I fell through time?”  
  
  
The young man sitting across from him nodded. “It…it seems to happen a lot, though the results vary as to when and where you’ll show up again. I’ve got another one who came from 1999, but he showed up a while ago. And apparently there are documented cased of people showing up from the end of every decade since the turn of the 20th century…or at least, the ones we’ve found so far.” The young man looked rather apologetic. “We’ll get to work on getting you home, but I don’t know…”  
  
  
“Don’t bother,” Harvey said. “I’ve got nothing back there.”  
  
  
The young man studied him closely. “I see,” he said. “Well, then…you can stay here, if you like. I’ve got space. My name’s Linkara, by the way.”  
  
  
Harvey nodded. “Thanks, Kid,” he said. “Thanks for everything.”  
  
  
Linkara smiled. “My pleasure,” he said.  
  
  
Harvey got up and walked around the living room, trying to look at anything but Linkara. The young man looked so much like he would imagine Charlie to have looked at that age…but no. This wasn’t a miracle. This was just an extension of his nightmare.  
  
  
His eyes fell on the bookshelf and his eyes widened at a certain title on one of the books. He reached over and picked it up, as though in a dream. “Can I borrow this?” he asked breathlessly.  
  
  
Linkara nodded. “Sure.” He smiled when he saw the title. “Did you read the originals back in your day?”  
  
  
Harvey smiled slightly. “Something like that,” he answered quietly before he sat down on the futon again and stared at the brightly colored figure on the cover.  
  
  
Maybe he had found his miracle after all.


	7. Chapter 7

_June, 2011_  
  
  
Harvey stayed with Linkara after that. He did manage to revive his music career and he went on tour often, but whenever he could, he returned to the little apartment in Minnesota. He read in the papers about the exploits of Tony Stark, studying the pictures carefully, catching glimpses of Maria in his bearing and snarky comments in interviews. He made friends with the rest of Linkara’s wacky little team, soon coming to cherish them as much if not more than he had cherished the Howling Commandos. True, none of them were Steve, but he had the comic books to hold him over. Maybe Charlie had been right. Maybe Captain America could never really die.  
  
  
His belief was confirmed soon enough. He was back in New York on tour when the aliens attacked. He heard the screaming and explosions and panic from his hotel room. A quick glance out his window and he was rummaging through his luggage for his tommy gun. He had hung around superheroes too long to do nothing. If no one was going to save the world, then he would…  
  
  
But as he took aim through the window, he saw him. Still young, still in uniform, directing other superheroes all over the city. Exactly the same as he had been the last time Harvey had spoken to him. Stunned, Harvey merely watched as the captain finished his instructions, only moving again when the heroes had all moved away. Then Harvey shook himself and started shooting at the aliens, hoping he could take down at least a few of them.  
  
  
He was very fortunate that they chose not to turn their weapons on him. He didn’t want to die now. Not when his wish had come true and Steve was down there.  
  
  
An hour later, the battle finished when Tony Stark nuked the alien’s support system. Relieved, Harvey threw down his tommy gun before he dressed carefully and headed downstairs. He didn’t bother to go toward the central area where the heroes were gathered. Instead, he headed toward a bar he knew Steve had loved once. He knew that Steve liked to get drinks after battle, and with seventy years between the last one and now, Harvey had a hunch that Steve would look for anything familiar.  
  
  
Sure enough, an hour later, Steve came stumbling in, dressed in civilian clothes and looking like hell. No one seemed to notice who he was, but Harvey recognized him instantly. How could he not? He watched carefully as Steve ordered a drink and took it to a table in the very back corner of the room. Harvey waited until Steve had finished it and was sitting silently before the singer got up and said a word to the bartender, who passed him two more glasses. Harvey smiled slightly and carried them over to the table.  
  
  
Steve was staring at the table, looking morose but not defeated. It almost broke Harvey’s heart to see him so sad, but he forced himself to put on a happy demeanor.  
  
  
“Care for another, Captain?”  
  
  
Steve looked up, startled. His blue eyes widened in shock as he stared at the man before him. “Harvey?” he gasped. “It can’t be…how…?”  
  
  
Harvey’s smile grew. “I could ask the same of you,” he said. “But the answer’s probably a lot different.” He sat down and slid one of the glasses over to Steve. “It’s good to see you.”  
  
  
Steve still looked incredulous, but he still smiled back. “I can’t believe it,” he murmured. “I thought…I did look you up when I got here, just out of curiosity…the files said you had gone missing in 1949.”  
  
  
“I did,” Harvey confirmed. “Mad scientist messing around with temporal portals had opened a time vortex at the end of every decade in the 20th century…and I was the unlucky son of a bitch who fell through that one. Wound up in Minnesota sixty years later. What about you?”  
  
  
“Slept in the ice for seventy years,” Steve answered. “Don’t know how I didn’t age at all…but that’s super serum for you.” He sipped at his drink for a minute. “Harvey…”  
  
  
“If it’s about what I said the last time we talked…”  
  
  
“It’s not about what you said,” Steve said. “It’s about what I did. You were right, I should have let you come with me.”  
  
  
Harvey shook his head. “Wouldn’t have made a lick of difference. You wouldn’t have let me get on that plane, and even if you had, I wouldn’t have survived seventy years in that ice.”  
  
  
“But you still did survive all this time,” Steve said quietly. “I thought I was alone.”  
  
  
“So did I,” Harvey said. “For much longer.”  
  
  
Steve nodded. “You’ve had time to adjust to it, though.”  
  
  
“A little bit.”  
  
  
“How’s Charlie?”  
  
  
Harvey stared into his glass, not sure how to answer. It was easier now...at least, it had been until they had met again. But now...  
  
  
"Dead," Harvey answered. "Died years ago...year after the War ended."  
  
  
Steve looked at him sympathetically. "Oh, Harvey..."  
  
  
Harvey shrugged. "I'm moving past it."  
  
  
"You never move past things like that," Steve muttered. "The world keeps turning, the sun rises and falls, but part of you never moves on."  
  
  
"No," Harvey agreed. "You don't."  
  
  
Steve shook himself. “And Maria? I heard she married Howard Stark…”  
  
  
“Yeah, she did. Year after we lost Charlie. I…I wasn’t good to her after that. I couldn’t be. I was hurting too much to love her.” He took a sip of his drink. “I’m glad she moved on. And I assume she was happy…had a kid, anyway.”  
  
  
“Tony? Yeah, he’s a great guy. Wouldn’t think it at first, but once you get past the Howard part of him…” Steve smiled. “When he does something good, I can hear Maria in him.”  
  
  
Harvey smiled back. “How awkward is that, though?” he asked. “Knowing you slept with a teammate’s mother?”  
  
  
Steve shrugged. “Not nearly as awkward as knowing I’m the reason for all of Tony’s issues with his dad.”  
  
  
“I don’t think that’s quite true.”  
  
  
“It is true, Harvey. If I hadn’t crashed that plane…”  
  
  
“If you hadn’t crashed that plane, there’d be no Tony to complain about it. And there’d be no you to talk to me now.”  
  
  
“Are you saying it all happened for a reason?”  
  
  
“Maybe. I don’t really believe in God or fate or anything like that, but maybe the universe decided we need to be together.”  
  
  
Steve nodded. “I guess that makes sense.” He looked at Harvey carefully. “You got any place to be tonight?”  
  
  
Harvey shook his head. “Nah. I was just going back to my hotel to mope.”  
  
  
“Same,” Steve said. “Unless you wanna come to my apartment and mope together.”  
  
  
Harvey hesitated. “It…it would be nice to be loved again,” he finally said.  
  
  
Steve took his hand. “Again?” he said quietly. “I never stopped.”  
  
  
They finished their drinks in silence and then headed back to Steve’s modest but comfortable apartment. Steve led Harvey straight to the bedroom. As soon as the door closed, they came together in a passionate kiss. Harvey clutched Steve’s shoulders and pulled him down on the bed. Hands fumbled with shirts and belts, exposing the fevered skin underneath. They kissed and stroked each other, their bodies pressed together, their legs tangling under the sheets.  
  
  
It was gentle, it was hot, it was passionate, it was awkward after so many years…and they wouldn’t have it any other way. Harvey wondered if Steve would notice how much he’s let himself go over the years, but if the captain saw, he was too polite to mention it. Steve, of course, looked as gorgeous as ever, the intervening seventy years not seeming to have had any effect on him.  
  
  
Steve draped one hand on Harvey’s hip, the other stroking him to completion. Harvey reached over and did the same, his spare hand gripping Steve’s thigh. They kissed again as they reached their peaks almost at the same time, losing themselves completely.  
  
  
As they came down, Steve rolled over, pulling Harvey close. Harvey laid his head on Steve’s chest, safe in his captain’s arms, warm in the sunshine streaming through the window in the peaceful morning.


End file.
